Smile, darling, smile

It's sad how two people used to be so close to each other, and now they're strangers with zero contact. Can't even see any traces of each other in each other's life anymore. No longer know what is going on at both sides. 

You were once like my family. I didn't expect us to be such distanced. I thought we would stay close, and remain each other's best friend. I'm a selfish person. This just proves me right. I am. 

I am tired. I miss the time, very long ago, when I could just call and get rejuvenated immediately upon the first 'hello' from that familiar voice. I crave that so much that it became the source of my dream this evening. A story book narrated by his voice, by my client, who turned out to be the daughter of his family friend. My hand shook upon seeing that name. My heart pounded so fast, the moment I heard 'how? Now? Owh.' when I hit the button. Then, things happened. I didn't manage to continue listening. And then it brought to another setting where I have recorded the whole narration by him, but the recording got destroyed by Y and so and so. Sigh. 

Tears streaming down my face. But he's better off without me. I'm certain. I'm not good enough. We don't share the same vision. Stop being selfish this time. Do not disturb him. Pray. God listens. God knows what I am going through. Surrender to Him. Let Him heal me. 

Tiff. 

Pretending to be fine. Again.