A Note to Myself

I am glad I had a conversation with Fatimah about the issue. I still cannot fathom the fact that I would not have a "neighbour" like her anymore in the office starting September. Often times, she joked about leaving with her, if I were being frank, I was moved, a couple of times. However, there are still things I want to learn from where I am right now. Hmm.

Anyway, so, I briefly told her the entire situation and my insecurities. After listening to what she said, I finally managed to sort myself out.

1. I need to see him no different from my other guy friends, Z, Jake, Cute and Shane. I go to cute and Shane a lot of when I have my personal issues. I never expect them to come to me with their issues. It is great if they do, it is okay too if they don't. I would be there if they need me, but I would be okay not feeling needed. This. This. I need to bear in mind. I have to see Mr. B no other than how I view them. No expectation. I need not worry about what he thinks about what I were to tell him, like how I never worry how Cute will judge me.

2. Boundaries. How much I would tell my guy friends, what to tell and what not to tell, how frequent is appropriate etc. This I need to figure it out myself. 

3. Maintain this kind of friendship until time allows us to meet again. Again, through texting, I could allow my mind goes wild and far stretched. Talking to a person face to face can be very different. Before time allows that, take care of myself, and my heart, not to get hurt again. 

4. Be myself. If he were to be attracted to me, it needs to be my true self that intrigues him. Not the Me, who tries to be someone I am not. 

Staying friends is what I should do now. I am much calmer now. 

Worst scenario is: He changes from being confused to not being interested. Either way, it's not up to me to decide. Why do I worry so much then? Yea, I might get slightly upset (more than slightly probably) but well it's a part of growing up. I have not had much experience handling crushes.. I mean, I don't usually..well..get interested first. I was usually more cautious. But well, growing up it is. 

Tiff.

Relieved.

Let go. 

One can't control everything.