31/8/2010 - 14/7/2014~LOVE

That's it I guess...

Heartbroken.

Crushed.

Upset.

Hurt.

Pain.

Excruciating pain.

...

A little hope.

For now, that's all I could think of. I don't know where is this leading to. I can't even see the screen clearly now. Tears blur my vision. I can't even delete the messages, the photos. I don't even have the courage to see any of them. Sigh. Let them remain where they are.. Perhaps...

I make this decision..because I don't think I'm ready. I really need time to grow, be more mature, and truly understand the meaning of love, see it from his eyes. Deep down in me, I wish he would wait for me. I know it's I fair. But I pray to God, to turn me over a new leaf, to be a better person, a more suitable one... If we are fated together, I pray that He would make us meet again at a better timing, when I'm a different and better me... I am naive and selfish.. Sigh. But I really hope that he could be able to stay focus in his studies, without me being in his way to success this last year of his studies.. In the mean time, me myself, learning to view love the way he viewed.. Sigh. Of course, I said I would give him my blessings if he meet anyone more suitable than me, but it's bullshit. I love him. And I said I still pray and wish we could start over one day..when I'm more ready... Sigh. I know I sound so selfish. Sigh. 

Anyway... That's it I guess.. We had many great time. That's all I think. He is a nice guy. That's all in my mind. And I still love him. And I want the best for him. And I know i need to do this now. For the sake of this relationship. It's either me changing and accepting the way he is, or this relationship failing when it reaches a certain point. However, I have faith. That if we belong together. We would still end up being together..someday...when both of us are more ready.. When the situation is more favorable... A fresh start over...  It sounds selfish but that's really what I want. 

Tiff.

I love him. 

I wish he knows this. 

I wish he sees this. 

I know I am so selfish.

I know. 

I am sorry.

Thank you, Dear, if you happen to read this.. Please know that I am sorry and thankful to have been your love one these years. Love. 

14/7/0214

This is my answer.